Green Machine Breakfast Shake

Drink your greens!

Drink your greens!

There was a glorious period of time in the mid-2000s when 4 of my beer guzzling friends from The Blind Tiger and I started The Burger Club after reading a list of NYC’s best 100 burgers.  We decided it would be a good idea to check each place off the list once a week and we even gave ourselves names. There was Professor Patty, Pete Meat, Medium Ray, Philthy McNasty, Jew C. Licious, and me, Madame Presidente which I later changed to Greazy Weezy.  Considering none of us had smart phones at the time, there was no FB, Twitter or Instagram to document every waking moment of one’s life and we were too drunk and stuffed with meat to ever start a blog, the only proof that we actually ate burgers every week is Professor Patty’s cholesterol report from 2005.

It was at this time that he, née Matthew, started in on the kale shakes and I soon got hooked.  I figured that if I was going to eat a drippy burger once a week for the following 2 years, I needed to combat it with a smoothie full of nature’s scrub brush.  The shakes have taken many forms over the years with a variety of different greens, fruit, yogurt, milks, supplements and they even have different monikers depending on my mood; Shit Shake, Ass Blaster, Sludgie, Smoove Move, etc..  I try to drink one more mornings than not and considering all the beer I drink, the least I can do is start off my day with a buttload of nutrients.

Serves: 2


1 cup spinach

1 cup kale

½ cup fresh parsley

10 mint leaves

1 green apple, cored and roughly chopped

1 cup green grapes

½ cup plain low-fat greek yogurt

1 cup almond milk

1 tbsp. flax powder

Agave, to taste

Salt, to taste


Put all ingredients into a blender and process until smooth.  Add water and/or ice to desired consistency.

Creamy Sausage Gravy on Toast with Tomato Relish

I think we all can agree that we have been eating loads of food other than butter and jam on toasted bread long before the food cognoscenti decided that 2015 was the year of “toast”.  I realize that as I write this, fancy “toast” is probably out and crostini is back in.  How do you say toast in German, toastbrot?  Maybe that’s what we’re supposed to call it now so we sound really, really forward and cool.  SNL, can you please resurrect Dieter and maybe in the skit he and Arnold Schwarzenegger are eating toastbrot covered in caviar?  I hear the old man has a movie coming out soon, just a thought.  All I know is that this here toast is awesome and this is a recipe for all you out there craving sausage gravy but don’t feel like making biscuits.  The tomatoes and scallions brighten everything up and if you want to really be hip, slap an egg on it!

Serves 4


1 tbsp butter

1 lb. breakfast sausage

8 sage leaves, chopped

3 tbsp AP flour

3-4 cups milk, more if you like it loose (heehee)

Dash hot sauce

Salt, to taste

Black pepper, to taste

Sliced bread, toasted

2 tomatoes, sliced

2 scallions, sliced


Melt the butter in a large saute pan over medium high heat.  Add the sausage and sage and cook until all the sausage has browned and the fat has rendered, about 5 minutes.  Make sure that you break up the sausage into bite-sized bits as you are cooking it.  Add the flour to coat the sausage and soak up the oil and cook for another 2 minutes.  Using a whisk, slowly add the milk, making sure to scrape up all the tasty bits that are stuck to the pan.  Cook, whisking continuously, until a creamy gravy forms, which should just coat the back of a spoon, about 5 minutes.  If the gravy becomes too thick, just add more milk.  Stir in the hot sauce and season with salt and pepper.

To serve, top each piece of toast with a hearty spoonful of gravy.  Top with some sliced tomatoes and scallions.

You made toast. I'm as happy as a little girl!

You made toast. I’m as happy as a little girl!